What I've Always Wanted?
by Crimsonyblack
Summary: Hello! I'm trying something new-writing fanfic! :D I've been a fan of the "Alice in the Country of Hearts" books and games (and movie) for a long time, so I felt inspired to write a fanfiction about it! It is first person narration, done by a new character, who is also an outsider. Let me know what you think, critiques are welcome! (Also, let me know if it's too slow-paced) Enjoy
1. Chapter 1

My heart is beating harder than it ever has before. The footsteps are getting closer and closer to my hiding place. I hold my breath. The footsteps continue, stopping merely inches from where I was standing. I begin to panic. I don't have much air left and I feel faint. I feel like my lungs are about to burst. Time goes by extremely slowly. Each second feels like an hour. Finally, after what seemed like forever, the footsteps restarted in the opposite direction. He or she had not traveled far before I gave in to my screaming lungs and gasped in a huge breath of air. Then I froze, appalled at what I had just done. I might as well have just pointed an arrow to where I was. The footsteps stopped again. My heartbeat is in my ears. I hope to God it can't be heard by others. I start inching towards the next closest tree. Hopefully I can make a sneaky getaway. I was just making my way past the second tree when I heard a shout from the figure, which began running my way. I'm a goner.

How did I get to this point? It's kind of complicated. I don't remember all the details. I was a big dreamer back home. Tough, but a dreamer nonetheless. I read many books because I wished my life was different. I guess that wish came true because here I am. I'll rewind a little bit. The morning of the day when everything changed started out as it always did. I was woken up by my mother and dragged to the kitchen so I could eat breakfast quickly and bike to school. I lived very close to the school, so getting there was fairly easy. The hard part was motivating myself to go. Why would I purposely go to a place where I knew I would be miserable? I pondered this question every day. The other students were mean and annoying, the classes didn't teach me anything of value, and the school never failed to leave me completely exhausted by the time the last bell rang. I was stuck in a boring and never-ending loop and I wanted out.

So I would pretend. I created a different life inside my head that began to feel more real than reality to me. I imagined beautiful scenery, interesting people, and a life that had no boring days. That day, as I was walking home from school, I saw something interesting that caught my eye. A very large hole in the ground that had not been there that morning. There had been a lot of construction lately so I figured that was what is was. But I was still curious, so I peered over the edge. I was shocked at what I saw. Only black. I didn't see a bottom. I felt my stomach drop as though I was on a rollercoaster that was about to go down the biggest hill, but it felt one hundred times that bad. I took a step away from the edge, feeling sick. I wondered if this was a very large well that was being made or if it was for a science experiment. I decided I wanted to get away from it because I am a klutzy person and was bound to trip into it if I didn't leave. I was just about to turn away when I heard something that sounded like a voice. Somebody yelling something. And it sounded like it was coming from the hole! Somebody must have fallen in and had no way of getting out. And with such a big fall, there's no doubt that that person must be seriously injured! I called out to the voice a couple times. I leaned over as far as I safely could, trying to hear a response. I heard something very faint. Very, very faint. All I could focus on was straining my ears to the max, so I wasn't aware of my surroundings. One second later, everything changed. I was pushed. There hadn't been anybody behind me when I first came to the hole. I know people bullied me, but I found it hard to believe that someone would go as far as to kill me. Unless..maybe it was not ill-intent? Maybe that person knew about the world that existed below. They could have even been from that world. But that logic did not comfort me at the time. When I fell, I never seemed to land. I just kept falling for what seemed to be hours. I screamed until I couldn't any longer. I knew there was nobody around to hear, but I was terrified. I had no doubt in my mind that those would be my last moments on Earth. Though I didn't die, it is true that those were my last moments on Earth. I fell unconscious when I was still falling. Then, to my greatest astonishment, I woke up.


	2. Chapter 2

I could see many shades of green and brown around me, but everything was blurred and confusing. It was like looking through a cheap kaleidoscope. It took me a while, but eventually my eyes began to focus. A leaf, a tree, another tree, more trees. I finally concluded that I must be in a forest. I took a moment to gaze at the canopy above me. I couldn't seem to remember how I had gotten there or what forest I was in. But then, all at once, I remembered. The hole, the voice, being pushed, and the horrible fall. I wondered if I was dead. Was this Heaven? This was not at all how I had ever imagined Heaven would look like, but I suppose nobody ever came back to describe it. I decided to investigate the area. I got up and walked around a bit. I didn't see an end to the forest in any direction. I searched and searched until I felt foolish. I began seeing the same trees over and over again, which meant I was going in circles. I sighed and plopped down beneath a tree. Would I die out here? But...if this was Heaven, I couldn't die...could I? Before I could get too depressed, a gunshot broke through my thoughts. I fell over in surprise, then cautiously pushed myself back up to a sitting position. I was on guard, but it sounded quite far away, so I didn't feel like I was in any immediate danger. But only a couple seconds later, there was another gunshot that sounded a lot closer. Then I could hear voices. Two male voices yelling at each other. It sounded like one of them was pursuing the other. Somehow I knew this would end badly, and they were heading right for me!

I jumped up and bolted out of the path of the incoming men. The adrenaline pumping through my body allowed me to climb up a tree with ease. When I felt I was high enough, I hugged the tree and watched the scene below, still breathing hard. The two men came into view. They were both dressed in suits. One of them had a gun. The other one, who seemed to have been running for a very long time, fell to the ground. He rolled onto his back and pleaded to the man with the gun. I was too far away to make out very many words, but it sounded like it had something to do with money. The man with the gun did not seem fazed by the begging. He shot him dead. Right there. I had never seen someone die before. I gasped and fell out of the tree. I hit the ground with a loud thud. Luckily, there were a lot of leaves on the ground that saved me from a lot more pain. But even still, the air was knocked out of me. I heard the killer exclaim in alarm. I was a little dizzy and not feeling 100%, but I knew that if I wanted to live, I had to run. I ran and ran and ran until I thought I was going to fall like that man had. I hid behind the biggest tree nearby and waited, my mind racing.

(So now you're all caught up to speed. I can't explain my life like it is a story anymore. I have no idea what will happen now.)

The running footsteps are getting close at a rapid pace and I begin running again. A bullet whizzes by me, grazing my right shoulder. I cry out in pain, but I don't stop. After several minutes, I don't hear anymore footsteps behind me. Relieved, I slow down to a walk and turn around. Nobody in sight. I can rest now. But when I turn around, my stomach gets the rollercoaster feeling again. The armed man is right behind me, aiming his gun at my heart.

"Wait!" I huff, "Wait, please! If you are going to kill me...please tell me why!"

The man looked at me like I was disgusting. "I don't know who you are, but you heard too much. It is my duty to the Hatter residence to kill you."

I stare at him, dumbfounded. "Hatter...residence? I don't know what you are talking about! Please! I didn't hear anything, I just was hiding because I heard gunshots!"

"I'm sorry," he said without sadness in his eyes, "But I still have to kill you."

Bang!

...

...

Am I dead...? I open my eyes and see the same forest as before, and I feel no pain. I feel something strange, however. Something wet. I look down at myself and see that I am covered in blood! I almost faint from the sight. But I am confused why I do not hurt if I am bleeding. Then I realize. It is not my blood. I look in front of me and see the man with the gun on the ground with a pool of blood around him. He had fired with his gun, but his aim was skewed because he had been attacked. But by whom? Then I slowly look further in front of me. A tall figure in a brown tattered cloak and a white mask stood ominously in the clearing, holding a sword that was still dripping with blood. He looks at me curiously. I quickly decide that I need to speak my gratitude. It would be rude to stay silent, even if he did look as scary as he did.

"Th..thank you. Very, very much. You saved my life! I—"

"Don't think that I won't kill you," he smirked.

My smile disappeared instantly. "Um..what?...but—"

"You just don't look like you're from around here. Are you a spy, perhaps?"

"N-no! I'm just—"

"But of course, a spy would say no..."

Suddenly, I become very angry. "I'm not a spy, okay?! I don't know where I am, I don't know who those men were, and I just want to go home!" I stunned myself. Did I just say that? I wanted to go home? Back to where I felt trapped and alone? My thoughts were interrupted by laughter.

"You have quite the short temper," he laughed.

This appalled me. "Of course I'm angry! You just threatened to kill me!"

It could have been my imagination, but it appeared as if his expression softened up a little.

"Alright, I'll let you explain yourself. Where did you come from?"

"Um...I'm not really sure where I am now, but I'm from Minnesota."

I watched as the man's expression turned from amused to confused to shocked. "Are you...an outsider?"

"Well..we are both...outside?"

The man continued to look shocked. "Forgive me! That was a very rude introduction! My name is Ace and I am a knight of the Queen's. What is your name?"

Is this actually happening right now? He began to talk as though nothing had happened! But I decided to play along, since he wasn't speaking of killing me at the moment. "My name is Kelly...I am a... high school student?" I don't really have a special title to give, so that's the best thing I could come up with. I try to reach out my hand to shake hands with him, but a sharp pain in my shoulder stops me. In all the commotion, I had completely forgotten about the bullet that had grazed my shoulder. I use my other arm to pull back my hair and examine the damage. The wound doesn't look too serious, but it is worse than most injuries I have ever received. Suddenly I feel really dizzy. Injuries have always made me feel dizzy. The more I think about it and the more I stare at the blood, the more the world swirls around and around. Then I passed out.


	3. Chapter 3

I try to open my eyes, but it takes a few attempts before I can get my heavy eyelids to cooperate. I feel extremely groggy and my arm still hurts. I want to look down to examine my injury, but I don't know if I should because I get queasy so easily. Nevertheless, my curiosity has become too strong to ignore, so I look anyways. I am surprised to see that it is already dressed. It is wrapped with what must have been part of a shirt. I feel a bit guilty that I ruined the shirt of whoever helped me. Wait...who did this? Oh yea, that creepy guy, Ace, must have. I guess I need to thank him again...although the last time I tried to thank him it didn't end very well...

I look around and see a small fire with Ace sitting beside it, spacing out. Then I look up at the sky. When I first arrived the sky had been sunny and bright. Now it was dark with a few stars sprinkled around. We were still in the same spot we had been before. I slowly sit up, wincing slightly when I use my bad arm to help me, and Ace looks over.

"Good morning, sunshine," he smiles.

"Morning? It's pitch black out! ...Was I really out for that long?"

"Yea, you must be really bad with blood."

"A little bit, yea…"

"This place might be a little difficult for you to adjust to, then."

"What do you mean by that? And also, now that I think of it, you never really explained where we are."

"Well right now we're in a forest."

"Yea, yea I can see that we are in a forest. I'm not blind!"

"I thought maybe the outsider world might not have forests! How am I supposed to know? Anyways, I get lost pretty easily. It's lucky I stumbled across you, though...There was a time not too long ago when I didn't get lost because I had someone to help me find my way around...but…"

"But?" He doesn't respond to me. He just stares into the distance. I should change the subject. "Anyways...what now?"

He cheers up a little "Now we should sleep until we have some sunlight to help us get out."

"Sleep?"

"Sleep."

"Out here...with you?"

"Out here, with me."

"Hell no! I just met you!"

"Technically, you were sleeping a moment ago, so you should feel like you can trust me at least a little now?"

"True...but I don't like the sound of this."

"What else are you going to do, walk around in the dark?"

"...yup."

"And leave me here?"

"Yup."

"Even though I helped you?"

And the guilt card has been played. "(sigh) fine. I'll stay. But since I can't trust you still, I need something to defend myself in case you turn out to be a serial killer or something." I look around and see the spot where the armed man had been. There was a gun still on the ground. I pick it up. But then I realize something. "What happened to the body?"

"Oh...that's right, it's different where you come from."

"What's different?" I shiver a little, not sure what he is going to say.

"In this world, when a person dies, their body disappears, leaving only a clock behind. If their clock is fixed, they will be born again, although they won't remember anything from their previous life."

"...you said they leave behind clocks, but I don't see a clock anywhere."

"That's my job, actually. I collect them. That's why I was walking around before."

"I thought you said it was because you were lost..." His story is changing, which makes me suspicious.

"Both are true," he laughs. Then he yawns, "Alright, I'm out of it. I left some snacks by the fire if you're hungry. Do you need help with anything else?"

"Not that I know of."

"Alright. Sweet dreams," he says as he flops down onto the ground.

"Good night," I reply. And with that, Ace rolls over and almost immediately begins to snore. How attractive. I sit down at the fire and space out, wondering about Ace. His personality had changed from serious and scary to lighthearted and silly so quickly! And all because he figured out that I was an "outsider." I don't want to think about what would have happened to me if he hadn't.

I decide after much thought that I will not sleep. True, I was unconscious with him nearby before and nothing had happened (that I am aware of), but, nevertheless, I am staying up. I have been tending to the fire for a long time, which is getting very tiresome. I look down at the pile of food wrappers I had created...I need to do something else for a while. I get up slowly, tapping my sleeping foot. With each tap I feel thousands of pins and needles that gradually weaken until finally my foot is awake again. I clean up the wrappers, then I wander around a little, my eyes fully adjusted to the dark. I keep walking until finally I see a break in the trees. My jaw drops at what I see through the last of the trees. A huge castle! It's hard to make out the details, but I see big red and black heart-shaped decorations on and around it. When I squint even harder, I can also make out some sort of garden. I try my best to memorize where this place is in comparison to our camp. It would be a bit harsh to ditch him while he was sleeping..although he did try to kill me..but he did help me, too! After memorizing my surroundings, I walk back to the camp fire. Suddenly, within a blink of an eye, the sky was bright again. I rub my eyes and stare in awe. I must have spaced out..or maybe I actually did fall asleep..while still standing? I must've been pretty tired. I sit back down by the dying embers and listen happily to the distant chirping of birds. I feel nostalgic to a time I went camping when I was little. I remember waking up before everybody else, and feeling something I've never felt since. Complete peace. The air was so fresh, there was silence that was only ever so often interrupted by a soft animal call, and I did not have a care in the world. This memory makes me feel homesick for Earth, but I haven't forgotten the reasons why I wanted to leave it in the first place.

"What are you thinking about?"

I jump in surprise, falling back onto the hard ground. My feelings of peacefulness and homesickness shatter instantly. "Aah! I thought you were still sleeping!"

"The sun woke me up."

"Oh...sorry I'm really spaced out. I didn't sleep at all last night. And to answer your question from before, I was just listening to the birds, and it made me think of home."

"...You could never slept?...(sigh) Would you be able to sleep if you had a room?"

"Yea, actually! That sounds really nice! Wait...a room of my own, right? Because it's no different if you are sharing a room with me. In fact, that's worse," I glare.

"Calm down, calm down," he laughs, "I meant a room of your own."

"Okay. But just remember that if you try anything, I have a gun."

"And I have a sword," he winks, but when he sees that I am not amused, he adds, "Kidding! Cut me some slack! Have I done anything so far that makes you believe I would do something like that?"

"No...I'm just not very good at trusting people. It's because of some bad experiences I had back home…"

He must have sensed a gloom settling over my head, because all he responded with was a gentle "Come on, let's get out of here."

We put out the remains of the fire and Ace was just about to start walking ahead of me when I remember something.

"Oh yeah, I just remembered! Last night I looked around a little bit, and I found a way out!"

"You walked around by yourself?!"

"...Yeah? Why is that so surprising? I have a gun, remember? And I can take care of myself just fine, thank you very much!"

"Right..." he smirked, his eyes glancing to my wound.

"Hey do you want to get out of here or not?" I snap. He just laughs and pats my head, which only irritates me further. I suck it up for the time being and start leading us down the path that I discovered that night. Sure enough, I got us back to the edge of the woods. The castle looks even more spectacular in the sunlight.

"Isn't it beautiful? I wonder who lives there...they must be very important people." I hear laughter from Ace so I glance at him, confused.

"That's the Heart Castle. I work there. And yes, I would hope I am important." he beamed.

"You work there? Wow! What do you do?"

He stays silent for a moment, which makes me nervous. Then he looks at me and smiles, "It's pretty complicated, but not too important. Just a really boring job."

That makes me even more suspicious, but I decide not to ask any further questions. After all, he is giving me a place to stay. Then I realize, "Wait, is the room you were talking about in the castle?"

"I hope that's alright?"

"That is so cool! But..I'm not dressed well enough for a palace.."

"Don't worry, the Queen loves outsiders!"

I still don't fully understand the meaning of the word "outsider," and I feel uncomfortable being labeled as one, but I'm relieved to hear that I will be accepted into the castle. "Wait...will I actually get to meet the Queen?"

"It depends...she might be working. Plus I'm not sure you want to. She has a bit of a temper and let's just say you might not survive long if you anger her."

"I thought you just said she likes outsiders."

"I did! But she can be cruel to very good friends, as well."

"Weird...Okay, I guess I won't seek her out. But I still think it would be cool to meet a queen." By the time I finished this sentence, we are already at the edge of the castle's property. An enormous garden with tall hedges makes it hard to see more than the very top of the castle from this perspective. "Is this a maze?" I wonder out loud. I also see some fountains that contain water that is the most beautiful shade of blue I have ever seen.

"You could call it that, but even I don't get lost in here. If I did, that would make it really hard to get work done."

"Sounds like you're having some problems even without the maze" I giggle under my breath.

"What was that?" He eyes me suspiciously.

"No, nothing," I smile. He rolls his eyes.

"Anyways, welcome to Heart Castle! Follow me."


End file.
